What Jay Should Say Tonight

The public has largely branded Jay Leno the villain in the Conan debacle, but if there’s anything that can repair the damage it’s a good joke right? So New York magazine asked a bunch of local comedians how The Chin should open tonight’s show. Their suggestions:

• “Ladies and gentlemen, the only reason you see me standing here is I was NBC's Plan B. Plan A involved the corpse of Johnny Carson and a lightning bolt.” —Jay Black

• “We've decided to start fresh at the Tonight Show, so we've added some new segments: ‘In the Year 4000,’ ‘Jay's Book Club,’ and ‘Top Eleven Lists.’” —Veronica Mosey
• “Remember when the Taliban was overthrown, but then they came back into power again? Hi, I'm Jay.” —Tom Cotter
• "Me going back to the Tonight Show is like saying, ‘Check the prostate again, Doc, and this time have some fun with it!’” —Chip Hirschfield

(More Jay Leno stories.)