How to Tell If Your Wedding Band Hates You

The Dexter Lake Club Band is a fixture at a certain type of New York-area wedding. Guests leave exclaiming over how good the music was—if the happy couple and their entourage have behaved in a way that suits the musicians. If they haven't, and what the band members the "Level of Brutality" gets too high, the DLCB turns into "Selfish," an ensemble that "doesn’t care about wedding guests having a good time."

"An LOB of eight is pretty brutal,” singer/guitarist Matthew Stinchcomb tells the New York Times in a profile of the group that turns on a dime from sunny celebration of devoted musicians to bridezilla tell-all. “An LOB of 10 is, like, somebody dies." And before that, has to hear Led Zeppelin tunes and "Panama," by Van Halen—so dying may not seem so terrible.
(More Dexter Lake Club Band stories.)