Please, Jason, Stay Dead

The new Friday the 13th “remake” is “about the best Friday the 13th movie you could hope for,” writes Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times. “It has a lot of scary and gruesome killings. If that's what you want to find out, you can stop reading.” Still here? Then you’re probably wondering why someone made another brainless Jason retread. It’s “made solely for commerce,” says Dan Zak of the Washington Post. “If you love America, you won’t pay to see it.”

It’s not really a remake—Jason, not his crazy mom, is carving kids up—but it does take a very back-to-basics approach. Basics in this case meaning “tits, rock 'n' roll, pot humor, potty-mouth humor and a lot of pointless killings,” writes Andrew O’Hehier of Salon. “You'll have to make your own decisions about whether those are good or bad things, people.” (More movie review stories.)