Spinal Tap Admits Where They've Been

Having announced their reunion tour, Spinal Tap sits down with Vanity Fair to explain where they've been for the past 25 years. "Breeding miniature horses," says Nigel, who struggled "to find jockeys that are basically 26, 28 inches tall." David, inspired by female tribute bands like AC/DShe and Lez Zeppelin, has been "managing acts." Derek started a failed chain of decaf coffee shops to help customers "take a nap."

They tried distributing a sex tape, says Nigel, but "there was no interest." Now, with groupies in the 50-to-70-year-old age range—"but we're talking a young 70 and an old 50," Nigel says—they're coming back and looking for sponsors. "We want to be the most heavily sponsored group in the history of rock 'n' roll," Derek explains. But how can they stay relevant? "We never were relevant," Derek notes. "That's the key." (More This Is Spinal Tap stories.)