Masked Bandits Infiltrate 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

As President Obama settled in to his new home, a band of varmints rode in on his coattails, the Washington Post reports. One large raccoon and several smaller ones are roaming the grounds, according to the National Park Service, which is tasked with relocating the varmints. “The idea of raccoons on the White House grounds give us great pause,” said an Obama spokesman.

The park service is using live traps baited with cat food and—gasp!—peanut butter, but so far the raccoons haven't fallen for them. “See, their cages probably don't smell right,” said a veteran DC trapper, who has dreamed of tangling with his raccoon nemeses on the White House grounds. He said he’d be glad to join the effort. “I won't charge 'em nothing.” (More raccoons stories.)