Actresses Are Actually Having to Deny They Bit Beyonce

Anyone who might have intel to help solve one of 2018's greatest mysteries, contact Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah. The late-night hosts on Wednesday played Sherlock Holmes. The case: #WhoBitBeyonce, which is about as self-explanatory as a hashtag can get. The upshot is that Girls Trip actress Tiffany Haddish was said to have been at a Dec. 22 party in LA where Beyonce and Jay-Z also were, and Haddish says an actress bit Bey's face. Haddish apparently made her revelation to both Vulture and GQ; she told the latter she offered to go after Beyonce's attacker. Bey's alleged response: "Tiffany, no. Don't do that. That b---- is on drugs. She not even drunk. … She not like that all the time. Just chill." And so launched the whodunnit:

• Colbert said "it's extremely important to me we figure this out, because America needs to know: What does Beyonce taste like?" Per ABC News, Trevor Noah noted once the biter is busted, it could be bad news. "You do not want to be on the wrong side of Beyonce's fan base," he warned. "They will find you and they will hurt you to the rhythm of 'Single Ladies.'"
• A more official comment from Beyonce's spokeswoman, per GQ: "I absolutely cannot comment on any of this, as I have no knowledge."

• The internet narrowed it down to two top suspects (after Rihanna was knocked off the list "'cause Rihanna is Rihanna," per CNN): Actresses Sanaa Lathan and Sara Foster. Foster poked fun of the accusation by posting on Instagram: "Flattering that anyone thinks I could get this close to Beyonce," while Lathan tweeted, "Y'all are funny. Under no circumstances did I bite Beyonce and if I did it would've been a love bite."
• Those two weren't the only suspects: Per Billboard and Harper's Bazaar, others who have been accused and come out with firm denials (or curt crypticism) include Lena Dunham, Queen Latifah ("no comment"), Frances McDormand, Jodie Foster, Amy Adams, and Kathy Bates. Others, such as Natalie Portman, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez, are still being questioned.
• Some spokespeople for the stars seemed outraged their clients would even be in the running. "Why in the world would you think Jennifer Aniston would do such a thing? It's absurd," said Aniston's rep. Shirley MacLaine's rep offered this: "No, Shirley did not bite anything. She's 83 years old, for God's sake."
• Chrissy Teigen hinted Monday she might know the biter's identity, posting: "I can only think of one person who would do this. but I cannot say. but she … is the worst." She updated herself later that day, noting: "Update it is NOT the person I think is the worst. IM DONE."

• One person actually did cop to being the bandit biter, but that person is … Sarah Michelle Gellar, riffing on her Buffy the Vampire Slayer role. People reports on Gellar's Wednesday Instagram gallery, which featured two pics of her wearing fangs, along with the caption: "All right, I admit it. It was me #TheBiter."
• Refinery29 says we should just give up trying to solve this thing now, because we're never going to find the answer we're looking for. As proof, it cites other Beyonce-themed mysteries that are still floating around, including why her sister attacked her husband in an elevator, or who "Becky with the good hair" is.
• Still need to fill in more blanks? CNN and the Daily Beast have tried to put together as comprehensive a primer as one can on such things.

(More Beyonce stories.)