Man Allegedly Poops on Self-Checkout Machine

A 23-year-old Ohio man was arrested Sunday in Cincinnati after he allegedly pooped directly onto a self-checkout machine, the Cincinnati Enquirer reports. According to the Smoking Gun, police say Colin Murphy stripped completely naked in front of an employee at a Kroger grocery store, then dropped a deuce onto the U-Scan machine. (We imagine the machine politely asked him to remove the item from the scanner.) Murphy, who appeared to be drunk, was arrested and charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct. On Monday, a judge forbade Murphy from going anywhere near that Kroger, which is rough because it's his neighborhood store. (More weird crimes stories.)