Sophisticated Squatter: 5 Craziest Crimes of Week

A cheeky criminal antic and a Michigan "cupcake burglar" are among the weirdest crime stories of the week:

• Squatter in Historic Mansion Becomes Impromptu Dealer: Not a drug dealer, an art dealer. Jeremiah Kaylor, 39, was arrested for allegedly squatting in the guest house of a vacant San Francisco mansion—a historic home put on the market in 2012 for $25 million—while stealing and selling nearly a dozen paintings off its walls. The bizarre story involves faked documents, a U-Haul, and a citizen's arrest.
• Cops Catch Burglar With 11-Year-Old's Help: When police showed up at Rebecca DePietro's Connecticut home a few months ago asking if anyone had seen a suspicious person around the neighborhood, the tween told them yes. She didn't think the simple drawing she gave the cops would help—"I thought, 'Oh, [they're] probably just going to crumple it up and throw it out," she says. But her clue broke the case. Check out the "remarkable" image.

• Suspected Jewel Thieves Leave Parting Gift in Guest Book: A Florida couple visited the ICFA Gallery in Palm Beach Saturday night, and after viewing an exhibit, they reportedly left the premises with something that wasn't theirs: the owner's gold bracelet and silver onyx ring, said to be worth about $6,000. Cops tracked down Megan O'Hara, 24, and David Ziskoski, 19, at a local supermarket, but the two probably would have been nabbed anyway thanks to what the gallery owner discovered in his guest book.
• 'Cupcake Burglar' Gets Just Desserts: A home burglary in Alpena, Mich., was solved quickly thanks to a sweet clue. Cops say a woman who broke into a home knocked over a tray of cupcakes and other items before she fled when the homeowner confronted her. Police found the suspect a few blocks away from the home, "highly intoxicated" and bearing telltale evidence.
• Guy Uses Summons to Wipe Butt: Joseph Greenwood told the world what he really thought of a police summons he received after being released on a municipal court charge of threatening assault. The 45-year-old New Jersey man allegedly placed the summons between his "butt cheeks" and wiped it up and down, but that's not all. What he was charged with: throwing bodily fluids. Who he reportedly threw those fluids at probably wasn't the best move.

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