9 Amazing Highlights From NYT's Kris Jenner Profile

An extensive New York Times Magazine profile of Kris Jenner comes to the conclusion that the Kardashian matriarch is pretty much responsible for her family's insane success—and it includes some pretty great lines, to boot. Our faves:

• What it's like to be Kris Jenner: Every day that Keeping Up With the Kardashians shoots, she gets her hair and makeup professionally done. It's said to be "quick," meaning it takes only an hour per day.
• What we can thank her for: Without Kris, among other things, "Rob, the lone [Kardashian] brother, would probably not ... sell adult onesies at places like Macy's," writes Taffy Brodesser-Akner.

• Novel-worthy line: "By the time she was 30, she had four children, a mansion, and a case of ennui that felt terminal," Brodesser-Akner writes about the days leading up to Jenner (then Kris Kardashian) divorcing Robert Kardashian and marrying Bruce Jenner.
• Workout video you'll just have to find: When she and Bruce married they were "broke," and Bruce was Kris' first "project." She "helped him create a series of workout videos, sold via infomercial, called Super Fit With Bruce and Kris Jenner," Brodesser-Akner writes. "In the infomercial, he coaches Kris as she walks on a very short treadmill."
• And then ... In 2007, Kris pitched her idea for a reality show about her family to Ryan Seacrest. On the way home from a family barbecue Seacrest sent a producer to, the producer called him to say, "We have a show. This is going to be amazing," Seacrest recalls.
• But Kim gets some of the credit, too: "The release in 2006 of Kim's sex tape with the singer Ray J perhaps gave Kris's show the household name it needed," Brodesser-Akner writes. "In the New York Times review of the show's first episode, Ginia Bellafante wrote: 'As a parent, Ms. Kardashian's mother, Kris Jenner, was concerned for her daughter, she explains. But as her manager, she thought, well, hot-diggity.'"
• One of Kris' regrets: A tooth-whitening endorsement she says was "too cheesy."
• Detail that will most make you want to visit her house: "The bathroom off the foyer is done in black marble, and its toilet paper is black, too," Brodesser-Akner writes.
• Perhaps the weirdest part: "Soon we would go to Costco. Anyone in this house could have made a Costco run for her, but Costco trips are sacred to Kris," Brodesser-Akner writes. "'Costco is a passion,' she told me. 'Costco is like a massage. ... They have the most amazing dog beds. Don't even get me started. During the summer, there'll be a fabulous surfboard. I don't surf, but I've got to buy a surfboard.'"

Click to read the full profile. (More Kris Jenner stories.)