Cops: Drunk Guy Crashed Truck, Swiped Forklift

Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the dude with a really good buzz driving a pilfered forklift three miles to fetch the truck you crashed and managed to leave dangling on a giant pipe in Alaska. Police in Fairbanks say the latter is the tale of woe that was the Monday morning of 21-year-old Aleksander Glushko, reports the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner.

Cops say Glushko crashed the truck just before 6am, walked to the nearby George Horner Ice Park, appropriated aforementioned forklift, and drove back past the crash scene. Awaiting him when he swung back around were officers of the law; a breath test allegedly clocked in at 0.230—roughly three times the legal limit. Glushko is charged with felony DUI and vehicle theft; a DUI conviction would give him a hat trick.