Saying 'Vagina' Should Totally Be Illegal

A Michigan lawmaker last week had the audacity to utter the word "vagina" on the House floor, prompting a ban on Rep. Lisa Brown talking at all. It's time to go a step further, writes Dahlia Lithwick at Slate: Let's make it illegal for women to utter the dreaded word on the floor ever again. Lithwick has the bill mapped out: It'll "include part A(1)(a) providing that any women who seeks to use the word 'vagina' in a floor debate be required to wait 72 hours after consulting with her physician before she may say it."

Women who say "vagina" sometimes regret having done so, Lithwick notes, so "part C(7) provides that there will also be mandatory counseling with counselors who have never used the word 'vagina' in their lifetimes." She of course figures out how to work a "trans-vaginal ultrasound procedure" into the bill, too. Except in this case, those undergoing the procedure (after daring to utter the word) will have to listen to a speech about the perils of using an anatomically correct term "in an enlightened democracy." Warning: Said speech contains the word vagina. Click through for the rest of Lithwick's snarky piece, which comes ahead of tonight's performance of the Vagina Monologues on the Michigan Capitol's steps. (More humor stories.)