For Real: Woman Bites Dog

Good thing she's not running for president. An Illinois woman came home drunk and chomped on her family's English bulldog, police say. Analise Garner, 19, also allegedly smacked, scratched, and bit her mother. She's been charged with domestic battery, animal cruelty, and underage drinking, the Chicago Tribune reports. The dog had three bite marks on his back. "The bulldog finally did bite her back in self-defense," prompting a need for medical attention, said a police sergeant. But "there were no charges against the dog." (More strange stuff stories.)