Spare Me, I'm Irish

Mary Elizabeth Williams of Salon has strong Irish roots, but you can keep your parades, "kiss me" buttons, and shamrock shakes to yourself on this St. Patrick's Day, thank you very much. She hates the annual pseudo-holiday, the day when "'Irish' becomes simultaneously synonymous with 'adorable wee folk' and 'public urination.'" Ireland's culture is especially rich, but you wouldn't know it from the "pagan debauch" going on today.

Not that she won't celebrate her heritage—it will just be in a kitsch-free way. "I bake a soda bread and serve salmon and tell my children the story of Fionn Mac Cuill and I crank up 'My Bloody Valentine.'" It's her way of avoiding "stupid stereotypes" ... and green beer. Click for the full column. (It ends with a mild Irish curse you may or may not have to Google, depending on how green your own roots are.)