Drunk Student Tries to Cut Down 30-Foot Christmas Tree

It wouldn't be the holidays without a bit of yuletide-themed idiocy—an Ohio college student faces disorderly conduct charges for allegedly trying to chop down a 30-foot pine tree near a public street, the Smoking Gun reports. Police came upon the 21-year-old about 2am standing next to a massive pine tree with several chop marks in it. When asked what he was doing, he said that he wanted a free Christmas tree. (His buddy with the ax got away.)

When the officer mentioned that the tree was 30 feet tall, and could likely kill him if it fell the wrong way, he said that he planned to "cut it down, then cut off the top.” After the officer pointed out just how dumb that was, the student "replied that he was pretty hammered right now," says the police report. (More Ohio stories.)